Jealousy
by always-kh
Summary: post KHII. SPOILER WARNING. "Sora you're back!" I shouted and hugged him fiercely, he was mine once more! And then I looked up and there She was behind him!"I don't want her here! She's responsible for this mess!" Revamped.
1. Forgotten

**Disclaimer: **The plot and only the plot is mine. Don't sue.

**...**

**Forgotten**

Sora stood there before me once again. "Sora you're back!" I shouted running to him and hugging him fiercely, possessively he was mine once more! And then I looked up behind him and there _She_ was behind him!

"What is she doing here!" I hissed in his ear.

"I know Kairi but…"

I cut him off "- I don't want her here! She is the reason you forgot me; she's responsible for this mess!"

"Kairi!" he responded reproachfully and I really didn't care, "Please keep it down, she'll hear you," he pleaded, hands resting on my shoulders.

"I'll be as loud as I like!" I shot back stubbornly, pushing his hands away. "And who cares if she hears anyway, it's true!" I put my hands on my hips and scowled.

"But Kairi!"

I poked my finger into his chest. Hard. "Don't you even 'but Kairi' me!" I wanted to scream. I wanted to find something to just grind to dust, and I really, really didn't want to look at Her anymore. "Did you forget everything? Everything we worked for, all we wanted, all I waited for? Sora I waited for you for all those years. Years! Why? Because of what she did! I'm not about to forgive her for that!"

With that thought I brushed past him to get to her, "What are you doing back here? I thought I told you to never show your face again! I don't want to see you and Sora doesn't want you either!" I raged, shouting at her and she just stood there and _took it_.

"Kairi please," Sora took my shoulder to calm me, rubbing circles along the shoulder blade, but I'd barely gotten started.

"Do you know how much you messed me up? What about Sora?" She flinched and I continued, "You knew what he wanted, what we'd both wanted and you came around and messed it all up!" I pointed at her and scowled. She'd made me hurt so, so much and now she finally would too. That idea was very refreshing somehow. "You knew what you were doing, you'd went through his memories and everything in them told you not to interfere didn't it?" I hissed.

She didn't respond only looked away, staring guiltily at the floor.

The circles stopped and instead I felt a gentle but insistent pressure on my shoulder but chose to ignore it. If I looked at him I'd lose my nerve. I knew it. So just one at a time, one thing at a time otherwise it'd swallow me up all over again. This was all too much! "And it's too bad. I think maybe you can begin to understand, maybe it's hurting you too, but it's _not the same_. I had him back and then he remembered you and had to go make sure _you_ were okay." He left me. He left me again for someone who hurt him. For Her and some stupid promise. I clenched my fists so much I was pretty sure I'd have marks for weeks. I wanted to punch her in that perfect little face. Maybe Sora won't like her as much then huh? "I won't ever forget that you're the one who was wrong. Ever!" I shot at her and she winced and flinched but didn't respond.

"Kairi, please calm down," Sora murmured again and I turned to him. I loved him. I loved him, loved him, loved him. I loved him so much it _hurt _and he still couldn't see it! He had to go chasing after some strange girl instead of staying with me. Why wasn't I ever, ever enough to make him stay, to make anyone stay? Wasn't I good enough? Would he rather be with Her?

"Don't patronize me!" I ground out, slapping his hand away, pushing at his chest, and making him stumble slightly as I stalked off. He was taking her side again! Why did this keep happening? Why did he keep leaving me? I waited for him! I trusted him dammit! Not her. Not her! So why did he do all this for her? Didn't he care about me? I-I thought he loved me. That he'd come back and we could have our happily ever after. And, and, and now it was all falling apart. I couldn't let him go. I didn't want to lose him. I couldn't lose him not ever ever ever. And then I couldn't help myself my emotions overflowed and I burst into tears.

I need to be strong! I thought, angrily wiping the tears away. Sora gently called to me "Kairi?" He tried to put an arm around my shoulder but I shrugged it off and ran. I wanted to start over just me and Sora. Couldn't we do that? Just pretend nothing had ever happened? Ignore the blonde girl?

I sat on the beach alone, collecting my thoughts until Sora came over, "Kairi… I'm sorry," he whispered gently. "But what's wrong really?"

"You forgot me," I mumbled miserably. "And then you left me again to check on her… I couldn't take it. You were… everything to me. Everything I wanted. I won't be forgotten again. I can't handle it."

"It's okay," he soothed as I slowly relaxed into his shoulder. Just please let this feeling last a little longer. I want to feel like maybe he's still mine.

...

**A/N: **hope you liked it. please review! chapter inspired by the song 'forgotten' by avril lavigne

link to the song below:

http:/ www. youtube. com/watch?v=062LjiSFIGA&feature=related (delete the spaces and you should be good to go)

this is a sequel to haunted so you may want to go back and read that.

my apologies if Kairi is OOC but she is insanely jealous so yeah. Sora may be OOC too but they are supposed to have changed and matured to a point and even sora can be serious so yeah and this is set a good while after KHII.

oh please vote in my new poll.

Also this story is the sequel to Haunted. You don't have to read it but it might help the context.


	2. Insecurities

**Insecurities**

I screamed at her at the top of my voice once again, I couldn't even remember the reason why, I knew I was nitpicking every little thing she said and did, insulting her at every turn and making her miserable but I wanted her out off of **my** island, but I every time I tried kicking her out Sora made her stay.

This time I rounded on him, "Which one of us is it Sora? Me or her?" I demanded furiously.

"Kairi, she's my friend."

"I. Don't. Care." I began slowly as though talking to a young child, emphasizing each word, the anger spilling out from my voice, as I managed just barely to keep my voice level even while inwardly seething at everything and continuing, "I don't like her". I knew I was being bitchy to do this to him and even to her but my jealousy was so strong I just kept seeing red every time she came into view. When I want to be I can be downright nasty. I blame it on the time when I was kidnapped and constantly trading barbs with Axel; it gave me a thicker skin, more cutting lines, I'd managed to hurt even the Nobody I could mince him into pieces if I tried hard enough. And he'd do it right back. But not Sora... he was never anything but kind and I hated it.

But all this anger and these killing words they were all to hide the fact that my heart was broken when he'd left me again, searching for** her** it turned out. And... he could do it again. Leave just as easily. So how could he always be so good and kind? It would be so much easier on my heart if he'd be mean and nasty back... then I could at least try to hate him, to have some excuse, and to not care what he did. But he didn't; instead he always made me love him all the more and I hated that fact so much.

"Sora, you never answered me, so which is it?" And I watched as he hesitated with his reply thinking and raw panic seized my brain. _He's gonna, he's gonna choose her!_ So I ran up and clung to him, "Sora, please don't leave me. Please," I whispered gently as I clung to him.

"Kairi, what's gotten into you?" he observed with concern. I turned away pondering because... I really didn't know. _How did I become like this? So…obnoxious so cruel. And why?_ But it seemed like every time I saw her it reminded me of what she'd done and how he'd nearly chosen her over me, how I was so worried he'd change his mind and chose her instead of me. Again.

"I don't know…" I answered honestly. I'd never been this nasty to anyone before and certainly never taken my feelings out on Sora like this. Sometimes it felt like a challenge to hurt him (and **her**) more than they'd hurt me; the one who could hit hardest, the one left standing, would be the winner. I looked at him _He's so… beautiful. Perfect. And he puts up with everything I've said… somehow._ "Just please… don't leave me."

"…Do you promise to be nicer to Nami?" he asked hesitantly afraid to start another shouting match no doubt.

"I'll try," I replied; it was the best I could offer.

**.....................................................................................................**

**A/N:**

Inspired by the song please don't leave me by p!nk (think i have that right). and i'm not trying to bash kairi i swear!!! i just don't think she would take something like this very well she seems to have been sora's only or at least main friend who was female

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT!!


	3. Little Girl

**Little Girl**

He tries once again to smooth over the situation, to explain why she had to do it. "No one has to do anything, Sora."

"Kairi I didn't want to say this but if you keep on blaming me and Nami for this,"

_Why does he have a nickname for her too?_

"...if you don't trust me enough to tell you the truth, then why do we even bother? Isn't this just fake then? Why do you cling to the whole idea of… us if you don't trust me?" He sounds irritated and hurt.

"It's not you I don't trust," I reassure him.

He laughs bitterly _(it doesn't suit him at all)_, "You don't get it do you? It doesn't matter which one of us, either way it's ultimately me you don't trust. She's my friend. All I ask is that you give her a chance."

"…I don't think I can," I whisper.

"And then you make it _worse_; you blame me and her for all your pain, even though we're not at fault. We were_ manipulated_ Kairi, can't you see that? And so were _you_. I'm _not _about to be drawn into this again," he warned, brooking no argument. "I can't take any more of this; I've gone through things, seen things, you wouldn't believe to get to you. So go ahead and keep lying to yourself and the rest of the world, I don't know what kind of lies you've been spreading about Nami to all your friends but they need to stop. Please."

"But they're not lies! All I did was tell them the truth about her."

"Maybe they weren't lies, but they weren't the truth either: how can you say you know the truth when you aren't willing to listen to it? Kairi, you're just a... a little girl."

_Is that disgust in his voice? No way..._ I break into tears. "You're siding with her!" I hiss.

"Kairi, stop. I'm not siding with anyone; I'm just trying to get you to _grow up_."

This is Sora, my Sora saying this. There's just no way. Since when did he act all mature and scold me and say things like this? Why couldn't he listen! He always listened before so why now... Why now? Wait... this sounds familiar! It's almost eerie. So much of what he said echoed what _she_ had said back then, after he left me and before he'd come back this time. I still remembered it…

I sat there, waiting. (This seems to be a theme in my life). And thinking. Because when everything is gone you do a lot of that, too._ Sora, why'd you have to go?_

I'd finally gotten him back and then all of the sudden he'd gotten _this look_. It's hard to describe exactly but it's so fake even though most people can't tell anything's wrong. Still just the same goofy Sora. But me 'n Riku, we can tell. His eyes and smile are strained, his laughter forced until he announces, "Riku, Kairi… I have to go, there's something I've gotta see, I have to know the truth."

Somehow Riku doesn't look surprised. They'd been discussing things a lot lately together in hushed voices, trying to act like nothing was up whenever I'd come around. They had their own things to work out, I understood that. Fighting each other like that had to change things at first. I was glad things were starting to go back to normal. But this, this wasn't normal...

Confused, I finally said 'of course'. But I decided that this time, this time I'm going with him, I'm not going to wait around uselessly. Again.

But somehow he managed to convince me out of it. I don't even know how anymore because even after I finally agreed I wanted to go too. I didn't want him to go again. The last time it had taken over a year for him to come back to me… I couldn't wait that long any more.

But I did. Then I spied a girl who looks my own age and I eagerly wave her over, "Hi! C'mon over here!" Someone new! She's blond I can tell that and… she's wearing a distinctive white dress. As she approached I gasp, no nearly choke out, "N-Naminé?"

She gave a small smile, "Hello Kairi."

"But how? Why? We combined…"

"…I… had to take apart the memories chained together in Sora's heart."

"Sora? Are you really…" I drifted off as I understood what she was saying, she was the reason he'd been gone for so long, the reason he'd left me. I slapped her swiftly across the face, "No! I won't let him go!" I cried as the force from my slap caused her head to spin and her cheek to redden with a perfect image of my hand but she didn't cry out or fall down, just took it calmly and without protest. I stood in shock. _She isn't gonna defend herself?_

She continued on as if I hadn't just hit her, "As I was saying I explained to Sora some things about what happened, I left him because I thought I'd tell you because he blames himself and he shouldn't. So when he comes back just let him tell you what happened but just remember that…" she trailed off sadly. "But I just want to explain why I did it, you see I had to."

"No you didn't, you chose to! No one has to do anything."

She looked at me coldly and I could see the pain in her eyes and also the guilt but her voice was hard and piercing, "You don't know anything about what I've faced and since you won't listen please kindly remain quiet. I've faced thing you couldn't imagine and so has Sora to get to you. Sora will come back to you. I'm sure. He loves you. And you… you're just a little girl." But then she paused, looking guilty again, "I'm sorry… I guess some things, really are better off left unsaid…" And with that said she left.

**Flashback ends**

...

I quickly wipe back the tears that threaten, I will not cry. I'm so _sick_ of all this. Why does he care so much about all this? Can't he let me be? Couldn't he be more sympathetic, more understanding? Or at least try to? To see my side?

Sora's face softens as he looks at me _(with regret? oh please, please no!)_, "Kairi, I'm sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you, but... you need to stop this."

I look up at him angrily, but don't say anything. He thinks it's _so easy_ to just forgive her? That'd I'd just up and forgive her after waiting so long? That there could possibly be a reason, no an excuse, for why she did it that made everything right? Because there isn't- and he just doesn't, won't, get that.

"You can't keep acting like this is the end of the world... your life needs to be able to go on even if I'm not in it."

"But you are, Sora! I waited for you for so long. I believed in you. Doesn't that mean something?" I cry out. And I hate myself as soon as I say it. It's so weak! Pathetic. It's the girl I swore I was past. I'd be stronger. I'd never be that girl again... but I still was. And it wasn't fair! It just wasn't fair. I've tried so hard to change. I've waited, hoped, prayed, and fought for Sora. I've tried to be better for him. I acted like everything was okay _(even when it was all falling apart and I just wanted to curl up and have a good cry)_, went along with absolutely everything he said. But he wanted me to just pretend it was right when it _wasn't_! It's not okay. How can he just leave me like this? I try so hard not to be weak and he does this...

"Kai, I want to always be there for you... but I can't always make that promise anymore. So you have to stop living in the past, and just... live. For me. I faced so much to get to you. I fought for you. And I'd do it again. I'd die for you even."

That... that's... I can't even think and I might cry because that's so sweet and how can I be mad and, and, I'm crying now and I think I'm going to hyperventilate but I can't do that or I'll freak him out but I could just pass out I'm so happy right now. I'd always thought, well, more like hoped, so, that he cared about me that much... and I'd heard of some of the things he'd done... but for him to say so... it meant a lot to me. He never was good at expressing himself at times like these. But I can feel my eyebrows crinkle because I know he's just one person and he can't be everywhere and I don't need him to always protect me anymore and I want to tell him that but how? And what's he talking about anyway? 'Living in the past'? That doesn't sound so good and it's not true because he's finally back and I've waited just like he asked and and it just all _has_ to work out right at the end now.

"But I don't know if maybe one day the king will need my help again. I can't promise anything anymore. I came back like I said. But you expect more... and I can't give it. I just can't take all this... drama and tension, Kai. I went through so much I don't need this. It's too much. I always thought that when I returned everything would be better, but it's not. I need you to not make everything so hard, and for you to at least try to understand Kai. And until you grow up and begin to recognize the things that me and Nami faced, until you realize that sometimes it's hard to tell what's right and what's wrong, and that sometimes it doesn't even _matter,_ you won't_ be_ able to understand."

I look away again, I'm so sick of all the lectures. So what if I haven't saved the world like him? He wouldn't let me. What am I supposed to do? Just go haring off like him all the time? Not caring about all the people left behind to just worry, not thinking that maybe sometimes people don't want me to interfere because just maybe sometimes I would much much rather be in danger than see him like this, that _I didn't ask for this_? Maybe he has a point, but I have one too. Don't _my_ feelings matter at all? Why can't he listen to my side? Maybe I was being childish... but wasn't he too? I just wanted someone to listen to me for once. No lectures, no judging. Just... listening.

**...**

**A/N:**

Inspired by the song: just a little girl by trading yesterday

links (all at youtube so it's youtube dot com followed by this stuff):

watch?v=tI3MVZKXZx4

and

watch?v=OhKFcTBfD64

and

watch?v=fm23z7HMBbE

and

watch?v=9gM1NLBIpxo

in regard to this fic the one (the first) really influenced this fic but some of these are diff versions or POV's

DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING BUT THE PLOT!

okay thx to those who already read this chap and reviewed b/f i made changes. If u wanna review it again u CAN just drop an anonymous review but tell me your user-name so i can reply.


	4. Everything Around Me

**Disclaimer: **The plot and only the plot is mine. Don't sue.

**...**

**Everything Around Me**

Sitting alone lost in my memories of the past, of me and Sora together, I suddenly feel nervous and guilty. Ever since our last argument Sora's been so… distant. Like a stranger. He's changed so much. He's not the carefree boy I knew and I don't know how to approach him anymore; we never really had a real fight until now. I can't help but feel that I'm losing him. _Is this the end?_ Because it looks as though he's letting go, slowly distancing me from his life, and if that's true I'd rather not know. I'd rather pretend everything's okay.

But I can't, because he comes over, "Kairi we need to talk."

I snort, I think I've heard those words enough in the past few days to last me a lifetime, "…it's about us…" he adds slowly and I freeze. He's dumping me! I feel that with certainty, but I wish to save whatever pride's left to me.

"You don't need to tell me I… understand," I manage to choke out, but he doesn't listen. He just begins explaining how we've changed, how he's changed, and I just want him to stop; it hurts so bad. I don't need him to list the reasons, I've seen it enough, that blond head sticking up at me, he likes her… I was right all along. I try to, I want to wish him, them, well, but I can't; the words are too bitter, they lodge in my throat I don't want to speak them, to wish him a happy ending without _me_. I hold my head in my hands and finally cry.

"Kai, are you okay?" he asks, concerned, his hand hovering over my shoulder.

_No, I just love crying for no reason..._ I know he's uncomfortable but how can he be so dumb? But I force a smile, "Yeah sorry, I don't know what came over me. I guess it's all over now."

"What are you talking about?" he asks with that normal dorky look of confusion plastered across his face and I stifle a giggle, my emotions a complete mess right now; I'm so tense, and stressed, and overwhelmed, and broody... and this just isn't me... and I can't handle this... and I'm on the border of hysteria, everything seems funny now. Even when it isn't.

I compose myself enough to choke out the words, "We're… over, through, everything between us dead, I get that now," I manage to affirm my voice remaining stable.

"Kai" he sighs running his fingers through his hair, "How can we be over? We were never together." That news comes like a slap in the face, worse than one actually, maybe it's karma.

"B-but!" I sputter hopelessly.

"Maybe we nearly were once but we never really were anything but friends. And I want to stay friends," he declared sincerely then a look of consideration came across his face, "Is that why you were so mean to Nami?"

"… Yeah kinda. I was… jealous… I thought she was going to steal you from me."

"Kai you're one of my best friends, at one time maybe we would have been more if things hadn't changed between us... but they did. But no matter what I can never, ever replace you. Okay?"

"Okay," I smile. Friends… not exactly what I was hoping for, but… it's more than I deserve.

...

**A/N:** Short chapter I know, sorry. I figured it was time i updated _something_. (I'm gonna b going on hiatus soon I think b/c of school) I think one more chapter for this fic... but there will be other fics that tie into this one. I think. We'll see.

okay very losely inspired by the song 'Don't speak' by No Doubt and below are some links for youtube

watch?v=mc_FKm1AJIE  
watch?v=ra59YOVkL5g  
watch?v=MJqwkqI-V1E  
watch?v=f15pcM_C54g


	5. I Can't

**Disclaimer: **The plot and only the plot is mine. Don't sue.

**...**

**Can't**

I smile at Sora, who lies curled up on the beach along with me, having slowly come to realize two things. First was that, even if he didn't see me in a romantic light a certain blonde was stuck in the same boat, Sora swore he'd never fall in love. And, second, I wasn't willing to do anything else to jeopardize our friendship. If anything was going to come out of this he'd have to realize if he had any feelings for me. I could wait and pray that would happen.

But in the meantime I'm so _stuck_.

I gaze at him as we lay underneath the stars, wondering what, if anything, to tell him. I want to thank him so much for putting up with me for so long when I was acting like nothing more than a spoiled child, because Sora wouldn't ever leave me again. I'd been so wrong to think so.

He did love me... even if not in the way I wanted... and would never hurt me.

And then I gaze up at the stars. The truth is that in my small world he's everything. But... I can't find the words to say it. What if I say too much and make him run away forever? Pouring out my heart, kissing him, any of those things rank very very high on my list of things not to do. Not that I don't want to. I want to very very much, these things feature in my daydreams sometimes. Which is why I have the dang list in the first place... I sigh. Just friends. It's doable. Good even. Maybe even great. Don't get me wrong. But I know I'm selfish because I still want more, to be his most important person... or failing that the most important GIRL in his heart. It's not happening. Not because he cares about anyone else more, but because he's so good, and kind-hearted, and whatever else, that he cares about us all the same. Friends. It always comes back to that.

I flop around a little. I probably already blew my shot skyhigh. Acting like the worst type of crazy when someone else came into the picture did nothing flattering for anyone. But I'd been so used to being that most important girl in his heart that I'd never thought I'd have to share it. (Mom's don't count). I finally settle down on one side, my back to Sora so I don't have to feel like a creeper watching him sleep. Plus I think if he woke up to see me staring at him it'd be... bad.

So I continue staring out at the stars, the only sounds the crashing waves and Sora's steady breathing, and I feel content, at peace. Awash with the serenity around me almost as if it had invaded me, filled me, crept into my very soul. Because this was how it should be. The two of us relaxing together, enjoying the quiet and company. Not everything but enough. He'd forgiven me and let me become part of his life. He chose to share it with me. That was good.

But I heard him shift from beside me and I turned to him, the confident assurance and contentedness fading away, slowly, "Sora? Are you leaving already?" I hated the weakness in my voice as it tremored as I voiced my greatest fear. Sora... gone... again. My throat tightened in panic, I can't handle that...

"I think I might, Kai. It's pretty late."

I try to stall, to keep my voice level and even, no sign of the dread filling me, "Oh, okay but… do you think first we can dance again? Like we did when we were kids?"

His nose scrunches up a little and he scratches his head a little in confusion before he agrees, "Yeah sure, I guess."

And so we dance together wildly and I feel the rush and happiness from childhood returning, the joy of just spending time together. I wish this moment could last forever it just feels so nice... so dreamlike, unreal.

When we're done we collapse happily on the sand, exhausted. I soon hear snores from Sora. I smile, looking at him with amuesment, he always had fallen asleep so easily, especially on the beach. He looks so...peaceful just lying there... _I hope you don't dream tonight Sora... I hope those nightmares don't come back... I hope you can just... stay like this... until the nighmares end... I just wish I could help you... stay with you... chase them away...I wonder if you would let me... That you would share them with me, let me bear them this time, like you always did for me..._

I stroke his spiky hair gently, not wanting to wake him, looking at the beautiful boy in front of me, _I wish you would just... let me love you, support you. Because you taught me to fly...even with broken wings... if we carry each other... we can make it. I... always thought that this would last forever...that it was destiny because of a silly little fruit... silly I know... right Sora? But that changed so fast when you met her... it's like I never had a chance, like all our time together never really mattered._

I look down at his prone form again and want to just kiss him right there, _he's a heavy sleeper, he'd never know... but I can't to do that to him..._ So instead I bend down and breathe in his scent _I'm still weak Sora I'm sorry for this..._ and then whisper aloud into the quiet air, "Nothing lasts forever, I know that, but.. sometimes... I think that I can't breathe without you, Sora, that without you... I'd die. And it still tears me up inside every time I see you talking to her... but I can't live without you... so I guess seeing you, even with her, is better than never seeing you at all. Because... something is better than nothing... no matter what. Because you're my light Sora. You're my hope. And, we can at least be friends... forever. Right?"

He doesn't so much as stir as I ruffle his hair and then curl up to sleep next to him. We'll probably both be sick later but I really don't care. _Sora don't ever change._

...

**A/N:** Short chapter I know, sorry. I figured it was time i updated _something_ and finished this. (I'm gonna b going on hiatus now for all my fics b/c of school)... but there will be other fics that tie into this one. I think. We'll see.

okay inspired by the song broken wings by flyleaf and very, very losely inspired by the song I Can't by Kelly Clarkson and below are some links for youtube

watch?v=Xi9d0XMRRXo


End file.
